Sunday, August 26, 2007

I'm heading home to my large apartment building when I notice a lot of the residence (mostly college students) milling around outside.  I ask them what's going on and they tell me the landlord's having some work done and won't let anyone in.  Everyone's irritated but no one dares venture inside.  I head in and start up the stairs.  The stairs & banisters are wet with white paint and I quickly but carefully make it up to my floor (5th or 8th).  I enter my apartment and see my landlord (a middle aged Chinese guy with long hair & a beard) installing tiny cameras inside my unit.  I'm so stunned I almost don't say anything to him.  Finally, I speak up, "I'm not really comfortable with you putting cameras inside my place."  As I voice my concern, he stops and looks at me with a look of condescension.  He tells me it's for security reasons and I tell him he can put as many cameras as he wants to outside the unit.  "I don't need you seeing me in my underwear in my own apartment.  What if I have (I want to say wife but I'm hiding this & other facts from him) a woman over?  What if I'm drunk?  I don't need you seeing me picking my nose and playing tetris - which is what you'll see most nights."

There's a moment of awkward silence and I wait for his response.  I've just signed the lease and I'm afraid of the deal falling through.  He extends his hand and gives me an inscrutable smile and says, "Okay."  I shake his hand and nervously ask, "Wait, is that Okay, I'll remove the camera or Okay, it's a deal breaker?"  He tells me it's a deal breaker and starts to leave.  I go after him, "Fine, leave them.  These are the only two, right?"  He nods and walks out the door.  I open it and ask him, "You're done?"  He's already in the elevator and heading down.

I immediately start plotting ways to fool the cameras.  I need to call my roommates AJ & Isaac Rugg.  I head out into the lobby and see a few young teens and their fathers looking over leases & signing.  I walk by to see what they're paying but don't get a good enough look.  I also want to tell them to get out of their leases but don't.  I head to the window to see if I can see where the landlord went.  I get my phone out to see if Isaac & AJ will meet me for dinner to discuss ways to fool the cameras.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

I'm in Patterson Office Tower trying to find my class.  After walking up to the 7th floor, I realize I need to be in a different building.  I get into a curved elevator & take it down to the 1st floor.  As I rush through the library, I see RW.  I want to keep going but I say hello instead.  He doesn't seem too surprised or excited to see me.  We talk briefly & I move on.

Susannah tells me I should consolidate all the food blogs online into one big resource.

Monday, August 20, 2007

I'm hanging out with a couple at an outdoor shooting range.  I watch ( a little jealously) as they shoot their rifles at faraway targets.

Now we're at the shooting range in Wilmore.  We get in but I don't have the keys to my locker there.  I bust into it and find my ear protectors and one rifle.  I call my dad to see if he can come down and leave his guns with me.  Turns out he's visiting his sisters in Wilmore.  I try to ask him a favor but he gives me some guilt trip and won't do it.  I'm very frustrated and want to shoot with my friends (one of whom is a cute girl I like).


I'm in lower Manhattan when a huge fireball erupts from underground, making all the steam pipes burst at random intervals.  I run like hell to avoid them as construction workers, cops and others direct civilians around them.  I hide behind a truck awhile and watch the mayhem.

I duck into a building and enter a sound studio.  There are some young women in the radio booth (reminds me of WRFL) and they can't seem to help me with anything.  I pull a table out of the way and exit.

I'm out on Canal Street and I call Susannah to see if she can meet up.  She sounds distracted and says she's got a lot of work at her new job.  She says the internet's down so she's got to get some things done.  I hear her talking to someone else and hang up.

Suddenly, I see Laura Dern, her two kids and Susannah running and playing down the street.  Susannah sees me but doesn't acknowledge me.  I watch as they play chase around me.  It's obviously Susannah's first day as Laura's personal assistant / nanny.  I wonder why Susannah couldn't tell me who she was really working for.  I figured it was about confidentiality for celebrities but I felt hurt that she couldn't trust me.  I also wonder if she's ashamed of being a nanny.

I'm down on the sidewalk as they talk and play above me.  Now Laura Dern's on top of me and sexually harassing me.  She teases me about having sex with her while Susannah stands helpless and silent nearby.  I tell Laura there are 3 types of men: those who could have sex with any willing woman, those who would stay loyal to their significant others and those who would only succumb to a naked woman on top of him.  She takes off her top and reveals small, not terribly attractive breasts.  I push her off and tease her, "I just wanted to stall to see your breasts."

By now a small crowd has gathered and an older black man is offering to help me.  He's dressed like a member of the Nation of Islam and holding a small astrology book.  He offers to take me somewhere for tea or coffee but I decline.  I sit up on the curb and get my cell out to look busy, hoping he (and the others around me) would leave me alone.  I find Michelle's number and call her.  She starts talking about dates she can come to Kentucky.  I interrupt her to ask where she is now (intending to ask her to lunch) and she tells me she's on the set of some Hong Kong or Taiwainese director's new movie.

I'm shaken but by what just happened and feel very disappointed at not having anyone to talk to.


I put on some brown shorts & look for a matching shirt.  I dig through the shirt drawer & come up with one I've never worn before.  It lists Chinese (or Vietnamese) menu items.  Now the room is a restaurant and I see AJ walk in.  I seat him and tell him, "Let me see if I can find Susannah and we'll eat with you."  I walk by a table of young women who are gawking and talking about me.  One says, "I thought Susannah smelled like she had an Indian boyfriend."

I go outside the room and see Susannah walking up the stairs with a couple of other young women.  I tell her what I overheard & she seems unfazed.  I tell her AJ's here and ask if she wants to eat with him and she says no.  She sits down w/ her new friends/coworkers and I sit down with AJ, "Well, I'll eat with you."

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

An older man (a friend's dad?) is giving me a ride to a poker game in Brooklyn .  Snow is coming down hard and he's driving the best he can through it.  He goes down the wrong way on a busy avenue and turns down 9th Street.  I tell him I hope it keeps snowing.  "I'm hoping the snow is just heavy enough to shut down some local trains."

I'm standing near a subway entrance with Heather and Sofia.  A man is standing so close to us, his elbow is in Heather's face.  She jokes about him being her best friend and the guy moves his arm.  I tell her if she needs help with Sofia after the movie to call me and I can meet her.  She asks me what I'm going and I tell her I'm going to play a little tennis, "Though I'm not really dressed for it."  I look down at my new shoes which don't quite fit.  I tell her someone bought them for me and I'm thinking of exchanging them.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

I'm walking down a New York street trying to meet up with AJ at the train station.  He texts me to ask where the intersection of Prospect Pl. & Prospect St. is.  I look at the time & realize I'm running very late.  I try to text & run at the same time.  I'm close to AJ's house and I head there to look up the location & print out directions.  He's already near that intersection & has Sofia with him.  I decide to just catch a cab instead but there aren't any in the street.  I start to cross a busy boulevard with a crowd of mostly tourists.  A man in a paper-mache car almost hits me and I yell at him.  After I've crossed the street, he starts following me (on a bike) and harassing me.  After he almost runs me into another pedestrian, I knock him off his bike and yell at him to stop messing with me.  I hold a handful of gravel above his head and tell him to back off.

As I continue up the street, the guy keeps following me, though at a distance.  I pull a pistol out of my belt & point it at him.  The crowd and I head into a huge gun shop.  I ask someone if there's anyway out of here.

Monday, August 06, 2007

Susannah & I are in a hotel room when Michelle calls me.  She asks me where we're staying & I tell her we're staying in "our old sublet."  She thinks it 's lucky we kept getting the place and Susannah comments that "They can get more for it by the week then selling it."  She starts talking very loudly & obnoxiously about something and I tell Michelle I'll call her back.

I hang up and ask Susannah what's up.  She seems frazzled & storms out.

My mom comes to the room and I call Susannah on the phone.  She still won't tell me what's wrong and starts crying & getting hysterical.  I try to talk to her but finally get fed up, "I'm going to count to 5 and if you won't calm down and talk to me about it, I'm going to ignore you."  I finally hang up and sulk around the room.

Susannah comes back to the room and apologizes to my mom about the mess.  As she puts away toiletries, she says, "You have no idea.  They have this prenatal lotion and I've just been slathering it on."  My mom's eyes widen, "You're pregnant?!"  Susannah says yes very casually.  I grab her by the arms and say, "I'm going to forgive you for making me find out this way." and give her a big long hug.  I can visualize some sales chart that shows Babel & Little Miss Sunshine and I know that she's pregnant with another girl.  We keep hugging and talking about the baby and how we love living in New York.


I tell my mom Susannah's pregnant and a look of concern comes over her face.  She goes up to Susannah and tells her that she'd love to be a grandmother again... in 5 years but that now was not the right time.  She tries to touch Susannah's belly (showing about 3 months) and Susannah takes her hand off.

In the house, I'm wrangling 3 toddlers.  Already, I feel like too much of my attention has been taken off Sofia (who's about a year old & has very little hair).  There's also Wyatt (who's a large toddler) and a swarthy Middle Eastern kid.  I usher them down the hall and look for Susannah to ask her whose kid this is.

Friday, August 03, 2007

I'm in an SNL-like studio doing a read-through of a skit with the cast & writers.  It's a parody of Star Wars and I'm a Han Solo-like character.  As we read through it, I notice that the script has undergone major rewrites.  Afterwards, I go to talk to the head writer/producer, an Alec Baldwin-like guy.  I tell him I think the script seems special effects & production heavy & I'm concerned we won't pull it off.  I also ask him how I should play it.  "You know how sometimes there one guy in the cast who seems to be in a different world altogether?  I don't want to be that guy."  He just laughs but doesn't give me any advice.

I look at the clock and see we only have 15 minutes until airtime.  I go to my closet for clothes & joke, "Well, I guess I should wear my 'Chicks Dig My Sweet Ride' shirt with the Tie Fighter on it, huh?"  The Director/Baldwin guy tells me to bring an extra shirt.  I ask him if I can wear a white undershirt & a button-down over it and he nods.

I can't seem to find anything to wear & I begin digging through the laundry basket.  I find a broken iPod, some of my keys and some of Ileda's keys.

I go to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth.  My urine is very yellow/almost red.  I think about calling my family & friends to tune in but realize the skit won't air until Saturday & it's only Wednesday.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I'm in someone's large apartment talking to John & someone else about Wesley Willis.  As I begin to describe him, I end up talking about Paul Pena & the whole premise behind Genghis Blues.  I ask if they want to watch it but it's getting late.  We're all a little listless and I try to think of something to do.